Top stories of the past week

1) AI means something different at Apple: Apple unveiled its AI system called Apple Intelligence, which will work across devices and offer capabilities like image generation and text summarization. Also somehow the new calculator was the coolest feature? Its stock was up 8% this past week as investors continue to love any and everything AI-related.

2) Musk is getting PAID: Tesla shareholders approved Elon Musk's monster $56 billion pay package with 77% of votes, seen as a vote of confidence in his leadership despite concerns over his focus on other ventures. The package was initially deemed "unfathomable" by a Delaware judge, but the board argued Musk deserved it for achieving ambitious targets. Musk will be worth about $270B after the payout. Can I has a spare billion plz?

3) No cuts yet: The Federal Reserve kept interest rates unchanged but signaled one rate cut before the end of 2024, removing two anticipated cuts from its March projections. The Fed's statement noted modest progress toward its 2% inflation target, and markets responded positively with the S&P 500 hitting a new record high. The central bank now projects five total rate cuts through 2025. That would be lovely, thanks!

Top WEIRD news stories of the past week

1) Joey Chestnut, the hot dog eating legend, got banned from the Nathan's contest for endorsing a vegan company - talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

2) A Chinese history buff accidentally stumbled upon confidential military documents while rummaging through a pile of old papers at a recycling depot. Spies: take note.

3) In what is truly one of my worst nightmares, Illinois was hit by a biblical cicada invasion, with an estimated billion per square mile. I hate those things.

You like charts? Graphs? Of course you do

Abercrombie stock is on an absolute rip; up 11x in the past five years.

Investment idea

Private equity - a staple of sophisticated investment portfolios. Historically, it’s been difficult for retail investors like us to invest in private companies, but it’s getting much easier.

First, what is private equity? It’s when investors buy and invest in companies that are not publicly traded on the stock market.

Why would you want to do this? First, private equity has delivered significantly returns than public stock market investing over the past 20 years. Second, there are fewer public companies these days (3,700 U.S. public companies today vs 8,000 in 1996), with many companies deciding to stay private since going public is a difficult process and requires a lot more ongoing work.

So how can you invest in private companies?

1) ETFs that invest in private equity investment firms, who buy private companies. Two examples are the Invesco Global Listed Private Equity ETF (PSP) and ProShares Global Listed Private Equity ETF (PEX). This isn’t directly investing in private companies, but you can buy and sell these any time, which is a positive.

2) Private equity funds that invest in a range of private companies, available through platforms like Moonfare and Fundrise. These are diversified investments, but usually have restrictions on when you can buy or sell.

3) Directly in individual private companies, which you can do through platforms like Hiive and Equitybee. These offer the highest risk and return potential, but they also have restrictions on when you can buy or sell them.

On this day…

…in 1972, five burglars were arrested at the U.S. Democratic National Committee headquarters in the Watergate complex. This sparked one of the biggest political scandals in history: Watergate.

Banger of the week

Meme? Nah. Art.