US credit downgraded.

New $1T company.

Chainsaw stupidity.

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*Source: CoinGecko.com As of 6:25PM May 31, 2026

1) America has bad credit: Moody’s the credit rating agency, just downgraded America’s last AAA rated debt. What does this mean? The agency is responsible for rating the quality of debt, largely based on the issuer’s ability to repay. If they see an issuer of debt as less stable, they get a lower rating. Is this good? Nah.

2) A new $1,000,000,000,000 behemoth: Micro Technology, the semiconductor company, just entered the Trillion Dollar Club. It is now the 13th most valuable company in the world. The stock is up 200% so far this year. Why? AI.

3) Ceasefire? Or nah?: Oil fell by about 14% last week, as investors grew optimistic that the Iran x US war would arrive at a ceasefire. But, just kidding! There’s still no resolution.

1) A man balanced a chainsaw (THAT WAS RUNNING) on his chin for 4 minutes to claim a Guinness World Record. Sir, there are easier ways to get your ex-girlfriend’s attention.

2) A bear that was eager to learn went to two Massachusetts schools in one day. That is called grit.

3) In other Massachusetts news, an unnecessarily creepy puppet was delivered to the police station. They’re looking for the owner. Sounds like the beginning of Saw XIII (how have they done so many of those?).