Trump wants Greenland…like real bad.
Trump wants Powell gone…like real bad.
Do you want to book a hotel on the moon…like real bad?
Markets
PAST WEEK | YEAR-SO-FAR | |
|---|---|---|
Nasdaq | -0.5% | +1.2% |
S&P500 | -0.1% | +1.2% |
MSCI Emerging Markets | +1.0% | +2.9% |
Bitcoin* | +0.4% | +5.7% |
Ethereum* | +1.5% | +7.6% |
Stock of the week: | +38.1% | +38.6% |
Crypto of the week: | +107.8% | +95.4% |
*Source: CoinGecko.com As of 10:35PM January 9, 2025
World news
Top news stories of the past week
1) Trump wants another (colder) country: Just a week after Trump says Venezuela is under US control, now he wants Greenland, and he doesn’t seem to be backing down. He’s put a 10% tariff on eight European nations that were supporting Greenland, including Denmark, the UK, and Germany. These will increase to 25% by June unless there is a deal for the US to purchase the territory. Be honest, would you move there?
“Which way to Nikki Beach?”
2) DOJ vs. Federal Reserve: Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell recently revealed that the Department of Justice has served the central bank with grand jury subpoenas as part of a criminal investigation. For what? The renovations of their building being more expensive than expected. If having a renovation run over on costs is illegal, then my contractor deserves life in jail. Jk - this is all really about Trump wanting lower interest rates (naturally).
“Respectfully sir, what the F’ing H?!”
3) Miss the government shutdown? I have good news: As the January 30th funding deadline approaches, Congress is racing to prevent a repeat of last year's record-breaking 43-day government shutdown. Although the House and Senate recently advanced a $174 billion package to fund roughly half of the federal agencies through September, six major spending bills remain stalled.
“Look at my hands, they’re huge.” - Guy in centre.
“Omg he’s doing the hands thing again.” - People to his left and right.
Top WEIRD stories of the past week
1) A U.S.-based startup is now accepting $1 million deposits to reserve a spot at a luxury hotel on the Moon that is planned to open in 2032. I’m actually selling hotel stays on Jupiter for the same price if anyone's interested. Snapchat me.
2) A 33-year-old Utah man who only knows basic Spanish reportedly wakes up from a surgery speaking the language fluently for about an hour due to a rare condition potentially triggered by anesthesia. Clearly a Duo Lingo sleeper agent.
3) A 10-year-old boy dressed as the movie character Joe Dirt (Golden Globe runner-up probably) was the winner of the top prize at the Pennsylvania Farm Show’s annual mullet contest, beating out 150 competitors in a celebration of the "short-in-the-front, long-in-the-back" hairstyle. I think we may be using the term "winner" pretty generously here.
Chart
You like charts? Graphs? Ya you do
FYI - Greenland ain’t that green, and there’s not that much land:
Music
Banger of the week
Most important thing
Meme? Nah. Art.
