Top stories of the past week

1) Buffett addresses his people: This past week was Coachella for Capitalists, EDC for economists, Fyre Fest for financiers…more commonly known as Berkshire Hathaway’s Annual General Meeting. Warren Buffett, currently aged 93, addressed the 19,000 in-person attendees with the same passion as the Lisan Al Gaib. Most notably, Buffett said they’re sitting on $189 billion in cash and that they trimmed their largest holding: Apple.

2) Jobs slow, markets gush (gross): Markets ended the week sharply up after U.S. job growth slowed more than expected in April. Investors assumed that this softer market signal might mean that the US Federal Reserve will finally increase liquidity aka money printer go BRRRR.

3) TD Bank/Ozark crossover: TD Bank Group has been hit with controversy after being caught laundering $653 million for Chinese fentanyl traffickers. Fines could hit $2 billion and regulators may impose business restrictions. That is not very raven.

Top WEIRD stories of the past week

1) Drake and Kendrick Lamar are going at it, with diss tracks flying back and forth. Here’s a full timeline of their history for those trying to keep up.

2) Usually, when your toddler says there’s a monster in their closet, you tell them to go back to bed and slam your fourth glass of Chablis, right? Wong! Sicko! In this case, the monster in the closet was actually 50,000 bees who built a hive in a girl’s bedroom walls.

3) Madonna, obviously jealous that Buffett was hosting a big party, decided to throw a free concert in Rio de Janeiro with 1.6 million attendees. Swifties everywhere self-combust at this show of absolute popstar supremacy.

You like chart? Graphs? Of course you do.

On this day…

…In 1994, the Channel Tunnel opened. The 31-mile tunnel, with an average depth of 150 feet below the seabed, connects France and English and is VERY CLEVERLY nick-named “Chunnel” (LMAOOOO those Europeans are HILARIOUS).

Banger of the week

Meme? Nah. Art