Level-set: SBF lows, chocolate and market highs

Top stories of the past week

1) SBF sentenced to Shawshank
Not actually, but I’d watch that sequel. Sam Bankman-Fried was, however, sentenced to 25 years in prison for stealing $8 billion from FTX customers in 2022. That’s a truly Dr. Evil amount of thievery.

2) Cocoa hits an all-time high just in time for chocolate bunnies
If your annual chocolate haul now has a shocking price tag to match the shocking volume, the cocoa price explosion is to blame. New York cocoa futures have more than doubled year-to-date.

3) Stock markets don’t care
Interest rates may be at their highest level since 2001 with no clear outline of decreases, but the stock market must not have noticed. The S&P500 continuously hit all-time highs and delivered its best Q1 return since 2019.

Top WEIRD stories of the past week

1) Parisian waiters held a race, probably to determine which of them could avoid a table of tourists New Jersey the quickest.

2) A Minnesota baseball team was accused of fat-shaming their pig mascot after naming it “Ozempig”. So pigs can be fat-shamed apparently.

3) The movie door prop from “Titanic” which was very likely big enough to save both Rose and Jack was sold at auction. Hopefully purchased by the MythBusters so we can put this to rest.

You like charts? Graphs? Of course you do.

Cocoa futures:

On this day…

… in 1976, Apple Computer Inc. was founded by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. They started selling computers out of Jobs’ garage that had no monitor, keyboard, or casing. Fast forward to today, and you’re reading this off your iPhone while blasting the song mentioned below. Crazy!